I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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