I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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