Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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