any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
