There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
