so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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