Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
