Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So much Jack, so little girl.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
