You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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