wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
