FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
