you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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