I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So. Much. Porn.
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