I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
