no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
