tell your sister to shave her snatch
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sorry about my life...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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