I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
