Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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