shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
