The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
