4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
