When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
