I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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