Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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