no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
