Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
