Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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