did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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