Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
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Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
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Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I did not marry a roomba.
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