You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
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She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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