There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
