Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
