i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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