i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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