I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
