I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
