I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
