you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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