There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
