My room smells like vodka and shame
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
