i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
