Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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