I haven't been this sober since birth.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
