YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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