i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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