we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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