I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
