i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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