actually, I'm a sock model
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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