OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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