fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
