You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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