you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
