remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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