you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
