Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
