I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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