three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
