Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
