Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
