I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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