Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
