started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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