Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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