omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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