And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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