That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
