Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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