Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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