There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
