She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
