I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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