I will die if light touches me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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