my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
