my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
