After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
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Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
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He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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